Sand and Water

I sit here now, on this last day of the year, contemplating my plans for the next. Not out of hubris, nor of desire, nor of necessity. The plans that I allude to mean little in my own life, and in the lives of those bound to me by ties of blood, oaths or friendship. No, it is out of a sense of responsibility that I make these plans.

The weight of my burdens bear down upon me this day. I know that there are many who depend on me to lead them, though I doubt if all of them truly care where or what I am leading them into. There are also those who wish for me to follow their leadership. I shall do so, of course, for such is the nature of the hierarchy of the world; had I been adverse to trailing behind these men, I would have left this path that I chose a long time ago. Yet, these leaders of mine may not fully appreciate the manner in which I choose to serve. Service can be a subtle thing, as my friend the Alchemist pointed out once, or it can be blatant and unyielding. Somewhere in between, in my opinion, is most preferable.

What is it that I owe to those ranked above me? And what do I owe those ranked below? What answers I have found, I have found wanting. I stumble along, leaving scattered pools of detritus amidst the eddies of chaos in my wake. My draught is deep, and the course I take is not free of hazards; should I be becalmed, it should take but the slightest of current to throw me upon the rocks. Will I founder, and spill my cargo of other people's hopes and desires into the surf? Or have the Fates another fate for me? I shudder to think of it.

But such is the way the mind works, in anticipation of the new Cycle. This is the reason why horoscopes and the petty predictions of psychics prove so popular during such times.

It is in times like this that I remind myself, usually through songs (and not those tied to the season, though there are some which would serve) of just how small my concerns are. The one that rises to mind, for some reason as yet unknown to my conscious brain, is Beth Nielsen Chapman's Sand & Water:

All alone I didn't like the feeling
All alone I sat and cried
All alone I had to find some meaning
In the center of the pain I felt inside

All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave

All alone I heal this heart of sorrow
All alone I raise this child
Flesh and bone, he's just
Bursting towards tomorrow
And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave

All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water and a million years gone by

I first heard this song when I was traveling with my wife in Canada. It was from Calgary to Drumheller, when I was driving across the long, undulating landscape and my wife was so fired at the thought of seeing real dinosaur bones. I was somewhat amused; what were fossils but sand and water, and a million years gone by?

And where would we be, in a million years from now?

Against that, what are my workplans for the next year?